Annoymous--I have been seeing this man for a little over a year now. In the beginning of the relationship we both decided that we would date, not just one another but other people as well. Our realtionship was great at first. We spent time together, had stimulating conversations, we would see one another 2-3 times a week. Couldn't wait to see one another. At some point throughout the course of the relationship it has taken a negative turn. He started to pull away, didn't want to see me as much, and when he does see me its only for a few hours. We don't leave the house, we don't have any of the fun we used to. Its come down to just being physical. Very little if any affection. We hadn't discussed the reason for the change because everytime I bring up any conversation that he doesn't want to deal with, he shuts down and avoids the topic. I truly wasn't looking to marry, as of yet, I just enjoyed what was. I thought we were building.  I enjoy having him in my life, but at this stage I'm wondering if I should just cut my losses. I care for this man and I know he cares for me in his own way. I need more clarity as to where I stand in his mind and life and why the change. How do you get someone to have a conversation with you that is so unwilling? I'm not asking for marriage just clarity. That way I can do what is best for me.


My response--I hate to tell you this, but you're recieving all the clarity you need, because he's giving it to you. He's screaming it at you loud and clear. If you worked hard at your job, wanted a raise, but every time you asked your boss to talk about it, your boss avoided you--would you need him to clarify his positon. If so, I'll do it for you. Your boss is not going to give you that raise, and doesn't care that you know it. This guys feels the same way. And him caring about you "in his own way". Maybe, but is that enough for you? Understand this--you should not focus on WHAT changed, and WHY it changed between the two of you. The fact is, something did change. What to focus on is how you feel about the change. You didn't like it, right? You tried to talk to him about it. He doesn't want to talk--so walk. Listen, and I'm speaking to most, if not all women out there. You have more power than you think. You're giving that man exactly what he wants, but when you ask him to recipricate, he turns his shoulder, and tells you to keep on giving. Shake whatever emotional tie you have to this...this...man. Whatever he's giving you, I'm sure, there are scores of men who would gladly give you the same, and then some.
My uncle told me when I was sixteen years old, not to let a women think she's doing me a favor by being with me. "She's getting something out of it, too." The same goes for you. So if you aren't happy, and not feeling as though you're being respected, please, please, please, tell this fool to take a walk. Or better yet, don't say anything. Don't return his phone calls, texts, or emails, and after a while, I guarentee he'll be willing to talk about anything you want. But by then, it'll be too late.